Treat Yo Self
because yo self deserves it!
Back in the early days of marriage and parenthood, I watched more TV than I do now. Those were the Tivo years, pre-streaming, when our device would record our selected program automatically for us to watch on our own time (do you remember how revolutionary that was?). After our child(ren) finally conked out for the night, G and I would collapse onto our unsightly but oh-so-comfortable chocolate brown couch (the first big purchase we’d ever made together) and catch up on some of our favorite shows. In that era: Modern Family, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Jeopardy!, 60 Minutes (yes, we have always been 70 year old nerds at heart). And, for a few years, Parks & Recreation.
From that last, the phrase “Treat Yo Self” found its way into our spousal lexicon, where it lives on to this day. Its lasting power may have taken root because we so rarely found the time to do such a thing. These days, I say it to Graham when he wonders aloud if he should make a cocktail. He says it to me when I contemplate climbing into bed early with a delicious new book.
I posit that it is rarely a bad time to Treat Yo Self, especially on the small scale that Graham and I employ. (Less so for the Donna and Tom scale, as above.) Summer is here? Treat yo self. Turn in an assignment? Treat yo self. Feeling overwhelmed, outraged, hopeless, every time you read the news? I am here to invite you, nay, to urge you, to Treat Yo Self.
Do not confuse this idea with its cousin, Self-Care. Care is kind but is at time a necessity. Childcare. Eldercare. Of course these can be wonderful, but they carry a whiff of obligation. Treat Yo Self is not about obligation. It is the good side of Halloween, but as an adult, you get to choose what form the candy takes.
Below, I’ve got a slew of recommendations for you. (Save this email and refer back to it, unless you have a whole week of nothing scheduled, in which case, knock yourself out.) Which will you choose? What other ideas do you have that you’d like to share? How will you Treat Yo Self?
How to Treat Yo Self: 10 ideas
Watch: Love on the Spectrum (Netflix)
Reality TV is not normally my jam, but this show won me over and I’ve spent the last month or so watching all four seasons. The idea is simple: documentary-style episodes that track people on the autism spectrum as they seek romantic relationships. I love their honesty, their absolute lack of game-playing. I love the humor. I love how they recognize that the right partner is not perfect, but might meet one or more of their (sometimes surprising) criteria. I love their families, how patient and loving and good-hearted they are. This is such a feel-good show and completely worth your screen time.
Listen: Radiolab, especially “Blame,” “Finding Emilie,” “The Living Room.”
I rediscovered this podcast, which used to play on my NPR station in the Bay. These three episodes are the kind you immediately want to discuss.
Watch: this quick news blooper. Mom, if you’re reading this, do let me know what the announcer is saying.
Read: old items in your Notes app (or any place you tend to keep marginalia, tasks, etc). I have found some amazing gems in there, some things my kids said when they were little that made me laugh, some story ideas, some recipes I’ve meant to cook. This is like discovering your former self. She and I have similar taste!
Watch: this video compilation of the top 5 dances from the show “World of Dance.”
Reread a favorite book.
I never used to reread books. The thought “life is too short” made me believe I should spend my time trying new ones. Now, older (wiser?) me believes life is too short not to reread books that I’ve loved in the past. So far this year, I’ve reread Wuthering Heights, Norwegian Wood, and Sing, Unburied, Sing. Next up, All the Light We Cannot See. What book do you think back on with fond affection? What book do you always recommend to people but perhaps haven’t revisited in years? I’d love to know what you’re (re)reading.
Listen: Florence & the Machine. Especially “Cosmic Love” and “Buckle.”
I was fortunate enough to see her live, twice in the last month, and I’m a bigger fan than ever. That voice, that vibe.
Florence & the Machine in Boston (left) and Atlantic City (right). Magical. Watch: This kid playing and singing “Closer to Fine.” Love his enthusiasm.
Go: see a movie screening in an empty theater. Use this link to find AMC theaters in/near your zip code and find one that doesn’t have any tickets sold. (Note, you can only do this on same-day tickets.) I haven’t tried this yet but it’s a definite Treat Yo Self candidate for me this summer.
Watch: the mesmerizing choreography in this music video.
Life Updates
Running: I had an amazing time at the Boston marathon, despite accidentally giving away my Shokz headphones when I removed and donated my sweatshirt seconds before the start of the race. The weather was perfect, crowds were out (including some friends!) and I truly enjoyed the race. Next up: the New York marathon on November 1.
Writing: I’m trying not to get emotionally beaten down by the always tough process of submitting stories to lit mags and receiving the inevitable rejections. I remind myself: with a <1% acceptance rate at the publications I’ve chosen, rejection is a normal part of the process. So I keep sending the stories out, and keep writing and revising others. (And I Treat Yo Self when I’m feeling particularly down and out.)
Also, I have a secret plan in place to start my next novel. More details to come, but I don’t want to jinx anything by writing about this too much at this delicate stage.
Lastly, if you’ve read this far, thank you! You’re a good soul. Here’s a way we can Treat Our Selves. I’m celebrating a milestone birthday this year, and I’m throwing myself not one but two parties! Well, to be fair, Graham is throwing one of the two. The first will be in New York (likely Brooklyn) on Sunday, November 1, after the marathon. The second will be in Richmond on Saturday, November 7. So if you live in or near one of those places, save the date, and then make sure I have your email so I can send you an invitation.
And that’s all she wrote! As always, like or comment on this post, share the email with a friend who might enjoy it, and let me know all the ways you’re going to Treat Yo Self.
loved this substack, "treat yo self" is a great theme for this summer and also made me think about a great movie "about a boy" with hugh grant and nicholas hault, there is this scene with nicholas walking a school hallway listening and singing along to a rap song with a similar lexicon line "watch yo self" with some additional lyrics (slightly less appropriate), definitely a movie worth watching to "treat yo self"
btw very iconic boston pic, very professional ;) and looking forward to hearing more about the secret plan
This! "Do not confuse this idea with its cousin, Self-Care. Care is kind but is at time a necessity. Childcare. Eldercare. Of course these can be wonderful, but they carry a whiff of obligation." So great as always, Jill. I'm listening to Buckle on repeat too. Add me to your email invite list, please!